Rules of Dating: Promises and Compromise
It is sunny and warm outside, and you can hardly wait to get on your bicycle, go for a walk, and soak up the sun. You think of outdoor eating and romantic dates. You remember a great place from last year, and you decide to go back to that same place with a new date, the best girlfriend you have ever had, already salivating at the filet mignon carpaccio with arugula, lime and truffle oil that was to die for the first and only time you had it… Will it be as divine next time? You never know! Consistency is not always the motto of some restaurants. Also, your state of mind fluctuates, and, depending on how you feel on certain days, your perceptions vary and so does your judgement of excellence, fairness, or mediocrity. You may be craving a gin fizz cocktail, and you decide to invite your partner to that beautiful lounge with soft live music… only to find that the cocktail is no longer on the beverage list, and the pianist is not playing that night. Sometimes, it is better to keep the special moments “special”, forever engraved in our memory, untouched… which means, you need to be creative and adventurous. You need to find new things to do and new places to try.
When it comes to dating, the first mistake people make is to make promises. “This place is the greatest café, I promise. You’ll love it! “ “I swear this is the place and only place for good margaritas”. “You’ve never had a chocolate fondant like this one. Guaranteed.”
Well… How do you know? How can you be so sure of your statement? Would it not be better to tone it down a little? What if your date knows about Michelin-starred restaurants and five-star hotel lounges? Do you think she will be that impressed with the margarita or the chocolate fondant?
Should you, instead, tell her about this great café that you hope she will love as much as you do? Should you tell her that you would be curious to know what she thinks of it? This way, you will avoid any embarrassment, you will be more relaxed, and you will have a subject of conversation while having lunch or dinner with her, namely what she thinks of it.
As a side note, you should know a few hints about choosing the right restaurant, should you not? That might just mean one less faux pas for you. Not a bad thing!
She may love it or she may not, but her attitude will most likely be better than if you had made promises that were not kept because the quality of the food was lower than usually, or your date’s expectations were higher than the actual experience.
Whether she liked it or not should not matter, though. This may sound harsh and surprising, if not weird. A perfect match is a very, very rare occurrence. If we, human beings, waited for the perfect match to date, eventually get married and/or procreate, there would not be 7.5 billion people walking on our planet. A union is made of compromise. It is not because your date did not like your favorite restaurant that you ought to rule her out. You must understand her perspective, and she must understand yours.
In other words, if you were to continue dating one another in good harmony, you would sometimes be going to a fine and fancy restaurant to please her, and sometimes to the Mexican eatery with the good margaritas. You both would fully agree on that, and you would also be looking for some alternate places that would fit in the intersection of the Venn diagram. And it would be understood and accepted by both of you. There would be no frowning on it and no complaining about it. It is as simple as that.
No missed promise. Just a slight compromise every so often will give you a great start. Try it!